Dress Up and Vote! (or The Canadian Rocky Voting Horror Show)

“Vote! Vote! Vote!” shrieks the CBC at Canada’s youth this election campaign, still haunted by the conservative ghouls’ violations of the last election that resulted in the horrifying budget cuts of the Corpse.

The Mother Corp’s Rick Mercer is leading the social justice warrior crusade in getting Canada’s youth to do a zombie march to voting stations across the country on October 19.

“[O]ne thing we know about non-voters is voting is contagious. If you take 3 or 4 people and they’re non-voters and you put a voter near them, or around them, or someone that talks about voting, the chances of them voting–the non-voters–goes up,” expounded Dr. Frankenstein while on Rosemary Barton’s Power & Politics.

Mercer went on to explain the contagion’s success to a cackling Barton (I’m using some seasonal hyperbole, get over it): “So the idea is if you’re a voter you should talk about it and let people know you’re voting, so if you go to votenation.ca … it allows you to take a picture and imprint it with “I will vote October 19″. Then you can share that on social media. It’s already been a tremendous success with 140,000 Canadians have done it,” Mercer explained, bursting with pride at his mad genius creation.

Mercer doesn’t appear concerned whether the Canadian youth from the ages of 18-24 are informed on any of the issues, just as long as they participate in his slacktivism and turn out to vote this time around (1.8 million youth voters or 60 per cent were no-shows in 2011, this author included).

“Maybe we’re shaming them into voting, I don’t know. But as long as they vote, I don’t care.”

This speaks volumes because Dr. Frankenstein’s own network rejected airing two national leaders’ debates last month, opting instead to air a documentary about exotic pets and rerun Murdoch Mysteries episodes. (You don’t want your minions thinking too much.)

So what was the real reasoning behind the public broadcaster’s defiant refusal to show the debates? The official reason is that the network wouldn’t have had editorial control over the live debate. Why this would be a problem in a debate (where dialogue is supposed to be unpredictable and out of a host’s control) is beyond a sane person rationalizing. What’s obvious to most is the CBC threw a hissy fit, like a child deprived of candy on Halloween, because it lost the right to host the debates this federal election. But I still think there is also some truth to the CBC’s pretentious, official excuse.

The amount of electrocuted and torqued election coverage by the CBC has not gone unnoticed. In my widely-read post from last week, entitled “The CBC’s Insolent Election Bias”, I elucidated on the foggy pro-Trudeau and anti-Harper propaganda the CBC has consistently spun this grueling campaign cycle. Justin Trudeau de facto bribed the CBC with a promise of an extra 150 million dollars annually (despite the CBC failing to recognize its record low viewership and ad revenue) if he becomes PM and the union for many CBC journalists is actively campaigning against the CPC. Thus it makes sense that the CBC wouldn’t want the highly unpredictable and gaffe-prone Trudeau potentially exposed to tough questioning that isn’t coming from Trudeau’s affectionate Mother Corp. Better Mother Corp feed its infected zombies filtered and flattering snippets of Trudeau the dilettante.

But we’ve lost our way in this bizarre freak show. So back to the CBC’s frenzied and zealous crusade to get green, low-information youth out to vote. On The National, the CBC’s Peter Mansbridge hosted a special At Issue panel where the three left wing commentators bemoaned the past low voter turnouts.

Andrew Coyne had a mad solution to top Dr. Frankenstein’s: “[W]e whould look at mandatory voting. Obviously we’re not going to throw people into jail or anything, but kind of as a nudge … it’s just kind of pushes you along and says ‘look, there’s an election on, everybody is voting, you should vote as well.”

No need to try cheap gimmicks in order for the left to get its untapped boon, just make it illegal for low-information voters to sit on their asses come election day.

Mansbridge followed this up by asking Coyne why people shouldn’t be allowed to vote on the web. Never mind the numerous ways online voting could make the process vulnerable to massive voter fraud, Coyne’s only quibble against it was that the “solemnity” of the act of voting in person would be lost. Then Mansbridge pointed out that Coyne online shops, so what’s really the difference between the two acts?

It’s this kind of blind fervour for greater voter turnout that has resulted in Elections Canada identification requirements being relaxed to what, I would hazard to guess, is a lower standard than many African countries. Only a couple of pieces of mail with your name and address are now required.

But don’t take my word for it. I’ve been corresponding with an Elections Canada employee whom I’ve granted anonymity for obvious reasons. Here’s the employee’s stark take on the rotten state of our voting institution:

“My personal feelings are that in an attempt to make voting easier the whole institution is easier to fraud. An example could be if someone or even a group was persistent in wanting to vote numerous times they can appear at every polling station with stolen ID. With pieces of mail now qualifying as ID it would be simple to gather or steal. Another example could be if a voter appears with ID that is definitely not their own they simply could make a scene. Unofficial instructions are to diffuse the situation and allow them to vote. Avoid any possible media coverage that will put EC in a bad light.”

A preview of how ridiculous things have gotten was captured in a recent video stunt by The Rebel Media. One of the media organization’s  male journalists, wearing a full-face-covering niqab, arrived at an EC office to vote and trick-or-treat early. The staff didn’t bat an eye at his arrival and presented the niqab-clad man with the options of revealing his face or swearing an oath that it was indeed him (our damn over-politeness biting us in the ass again). The reporter opted for a pinky promise, and then he was off on his merry way.

However, the real monster mash will take place on October 19. 7,000 Quebecers have made a pledge to show up to vote dressed up in Halloween costumes in protest of the recent niqab developments (perhaps devolution). I’m sure the CBC will be thrilled when Donald Trump, Ahmed Mohamed, Caitlyn Jenner, Darth Vader, Casper the friendly ghost, and the Scream guy show up to vote.

The little smoke-and-mirrors show that was ominously called The Robocall Scandal pales in comparison to the type of fright we might be in store for when we practice our hallowed democratic tradition this October.

Footnote: Please remember these wise words from Mercer: “So for those of you who are feeling worn down by this campaign and want to–to zone out and stay home. I feel your pain. I never thought I’d say this, but I would rather drink paint than hear the following is a paid political announcement. We must remain vigilant. Remember, this is not their election, it is ours. They do not get to choose what this election is about. We do. Just like we get to choose who runs this country. That’s our job–all we have to do is show up and do it.” Vigilant indeed. Also vigilante. I don’t think the argument that many Canadians lost their lives so that we could vote meant tossing away standing on guard to fraud. It sickens me how much we’ve cheapened the vote for the sake of high turnout.